Tag Archives: prose

January

WRITE EVERY DAMN DAY.
Write with whatever you have wherever you are.
Write from your heart. Write from your anxiety.
Write from your desires.
You don’t have to write well. Or good.
To hell with spelling punctuation fancy handwriting.
Write because it makes you happy
and you damn well deserve to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy.
Write until your hands ache. Write
the truth.
Write with bravery
courage.
Write lies.
Write the past the present what you want to come.
Write to stay alive.
Write for yourself.
Write because it’s your passion. Write because
YOU ARE A WRITER.
Write because it’s all you want to do, all you want to be.
All you are.
Write.

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It is okay

It’s okay to feel
It’s okay to feel feelings that are happiness
that are contentment
that are joy
it’s okay to be happy.
It’s okay to feel feelings other than your anxiety.
It’s okay to love
and let yourself be loved
and open up
and let down your walls.
It’s okay to get hurt,
to be the hurt,
if you hurt you will heal.
You always heal.
It’s okay to be,
its okay to just be.
And be all that you are.

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Truer Words

Stay golden: be the golden threads that hold
this unravelling world together. Be bright,
don’t let the weary fade you. Stay young, remember
what it was like to be carefree, to play in the mud,
to stomp in the rain, to have first kisses.
Stay true, surround yourself with those who
you feel comfortable being your true self around.
Let the gold things stay, and linger.

Be the light: be that great force that carries on
strong through the night. Be inspirational.
Let lightning stream from your fingertips, come out
your eyelashes. Be the lantern that glows
when the campfire goes out. Brighten everything.
Be the continual light for the world’s
rolled up American Spirit.

Be the crazy: feel discontened, feel abnormal,
feel everything, feel overwhelmed, feel anxiety,
feel belonging, cherish being the belonged,
feel hungry, feel passion, feel concerned,
feel curious, feel wanting more.

I am always chasing sunsets, but it is okay,
they are my sunsets. They were made for me.

I am alone, but it is okay, it is my alone.

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Your heart

Upside down
like a fried egg with pepper and salt sprinkled on top,
or is it right side up:
that’s life,
always a Jack-in-the-box,
a terrifying, never satisfying surprise.
What is life, what does it all mean?
Not everything is delicate,
lace-lined and pretty,
covered in silver sparkling nail polish that shines.
Not everything is graceful.
There’s disaster, death, blood, torture,
pain, redemption, justification, forgiveness,
and messy freedom.
Not everything is true.
There are lies and broken promises,
persuasion and dissuasion,
dirty preludes, grunge, and empty soft-muttered words.
We go through life not really living,
as if life is the inside of a submarine with a slow leak
and the crew doesn’t even know.
Not everything is gentle.
When your heart has been broken once
it never fully heals,
and late at night
when everyone else has been asleep for hours
the quiet demons creep back in
and bludgeon the bruised walls
leaving you wounded
knocking you down
where your entire insides ache.
When it’s dark it’s so hard to look for the light.
But even feeling emptiness – feeling pain –
feeling alone and sad and angry and frustrated –
it’s all better than nothing at all
because it means you still have a heart.

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This is everything

I believe in God
in the holy layers of the Universe
I believe in Jack Kerouac and the Beats
the Fate that exists to get me where I am meant to exist
I believe in sweet people who are there
who tell me I am Weird.

I believe in my Father
I believe in my Mother who gave
birth to me
I believe in making mistakes
in solitude
gentle Wilderness
in going down so deep
but always crawling out.

I believe in the Good and the Bad
in making mistakes
seeking happiness
and the importance of Self.

I believe in rebirth
failure
laughter
pain
I believe in pushing yourself
I believe in Passion
in hunger
in heartbreak
in panic attacks
in dark places
and in finding the Light.

I believe in holy nights
and the even more holy sunrise:

this is Life
this is all there is
all there will ever be
this is everything.

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Life

Life is not quiet.
Life is loud.
Let it be loud.
Let it burst and rumble,
ravage and smoke,
let it tremble and tumble,
let it shake, let it jangle.

Never try to quiet your life,
give it speakers,
give it amplification.

Stand steadfast, but be ready
to be moved,
be ready to run.
Be ready for the crash
of the ocean waves,
be ready for the chirping birds,
the sirens that make you stand still
and freeze,
wondering who they are for
and who they are taking away.
Be ready for the silence of the
friendly touch,
be ready for soft conversations
and comfort.
Be ready to be rattled.

You were born to live a messy,
troublesome, graceful, awakening life.
Let it be loud.

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How to Live Better

HOW TO LIVE BETTER.

Or rather 
what I should do to enjoy life more,
to be happier,
to become the better person that I want to be:

1. SLEEP MORE. (And enjoy it)

2. RUN AND BIKE MORE. (Feel alive. Be healthy. Drink more water.)

3. BE MORE INTENTIONAL. ENJOY THE SIMPLE THINGS. APPRECIATE EVERYTHING.

4. SMILE MORE. LAUGH MORE. BE ALIVE.

5. LEARN THINGS. GROW AS A PERSON. CONTRIBUTE TO SOCIETY. 

6. DO THE THINGS YOU LOVE: read books, write poetry, try new recipes, cook for friends, go on long walks, explore, be with friends, drink coffee, make new friends, be creative, plan adventures, listen to old music, keep your house clean. 

7. BE BRAVE.

8. APPRECIATE THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE. SHOW THEM AND TELL THEM SO. Be a good friend when they need you and when they don’t.

9. ADMIT YOU HAVE FLAWS, AND BE OKAY WITH THEM.

10. BE RESPONSIBLE. Learn from your choices. 

We’ll see how this checklist shakes out. When it comes down to it, I’ve been stuck in a weird restless wanting to do something big, wanting to become a much better person, bored with the day to day drag, needing mountains and nature and fresh air and crime free streets, needing to feel safe and free, and I’m sick of it all. I know I don’t actually need to go somewhere else to become better, to be happy, and I do so much love this city and my people here, and part of me wants to leave and part of me wants to stay forever. I know I just want to and need to work on me.

Bottom line: I need to always do what is most important RIGHT NOW. “Be here now.” Trust myself and enjoy my life.

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