Monthly Archives: June 2015

Drawn to sunlight

Days, long.
Nights, longer.
Each day carries grace on it’s shoulders,
each night lays it down to sleep.
And by the morning stillness
you shall find peace.

We’re all young souls
wanting sunlight
seeking it in our naked skins
because sunlight is life.
It heats up our hearts
to make us feel less alone.

We’re drawn to fireflies
like we’re drawn to fire
like we’re drawn to the sun.

(Inspired by Jack Kerouac’s Big Sur)

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Shattered and Hollow

I don’t often post things that aren’t my writing, poems, or rambles about Jack Kerouac. But this song is pretty darn close to how I’m feeling right about now, and this band, First Aid Kit, is tremendously beautiful in their musical lullabies, their poetic lyrics, and their lovely voices. 

I’d rather be broken than empty. I’d rather be shattered than hollow…I’d rather be striving than settled, I’d rather be moving than static”

The words of this song ring true now, in a few different ways. And the way there’s this juxtaposition between love and heartbreak, want and moving on, leaving and staying, I find that very compelling as well. “I’d rather be by your side,” is true, but so is the fact that I’ve got to allow myself to grow and be better. 

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Morning time

In that quiet time in the morning,
when you sit and sip your coffee,
welcoming the day,
in that quiet time before
the whole world rises from wishful sleep,
in that quiet time your thoughts
tip toe around your mind,
pitter patter
and knock at the door to your soul,
in that quiet time you sit
face to face with
your deeds, your hopes,
your search for grace.

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Silent ashes

Let the roar of the screaming silence begin:
let it fall from my fingertips
and drip off the ends of my eyelashes.
This is the quake and the rattle.
We all fall down,
the ragged softness of it all.
These are our ashes.

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Henry Miller, and the meaning of Life

Photo I took recently at the Philadelphia Magic Gardens.

Photo I took recently at the Philadelphia Magic Gardens.

I don’t often share what’s going on in my life, my really personal and up-close emotions, feelings, trials, and what I spend my days doing, but that’s my narrative and that is what shapes and perpetuates the creativity, the words and the formation of the poems that I do share.

It’s time I start sharing my narrative, in bits and pieces, the “author’s perspective,” if you will. Because every great writer has a background that they should not hide, that the reader wants to know, that shapes them and their writing into greatness – and by no means am I a great writer, but I hope to one day be something close to that…

It’s been a really rough Spring, a really rough Year to be honest. I’ve been very unhappy. I’ve been very overworked. I don’t feel appreciated and I am not moving towards becoming a better person. I’ve had several different chronic and somewhat scary health problems come up, which I’m still struggling to understand and deal with. But I’m coming out of these shadows in one piece, successful in my work, and looking forward to having the freedom to be happy and allowing myself to be okay. I’m not quite there yet; I still have some changes to make, hard ones that I really wish I didn’t have to. But I will come out of this okay, and surely I will have learned something.

Henry Miller wrote: “This is the greatest damn thing about the universe, that we can know so much, recognize so much, dissect, do everything, and we can’t grasp it.”

On the verge of this momentous pendulum shift that I feel is coming in my life, I have so much excitement for it and the things that lie ahead. I do realize, though, my need to practice simple existence and living where I am now, not always having my mind dreaming about what is to come, but just being here now.

Reflecting on what Henry Miller said, it’s so true. That struggle of wanting to just grasp and know what’s coming, what your future holds, what is going to make you laugh and what is going to bring tears to your eyes.

But why do we so desperately want to know? So that we can make changes to make the future more in our favor? So that we can prepare for those moments, lessen the pain, have tissues ready when we need to cry? What’s the fun in that, in knowing where you’re going to be in six months, or two years, or forever down the road.

That is what makes life worth living: the not knowing where you’re going, who you’re going there with, and what you’ll do and say and be and believe. THAT is the beautiful magic of this mystery thing we call Life.

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Sailors and the sea

What is it about sailors-
know the sea so well.
What is it about choirs-
know the Gospel sounds so well.
What is it about rodeo clowns-
know the movements of the bull so well
and where his horns are going to ground down.

What is about the mountain peaks,
the first snow of the crisp winter,
the sound of tiptoes,
the first orange-turned leaf crackling
under your shoes.
What is it about that first glance,
that first touch,
the first gentle whisper-
what is it about heartbreak that doesn’t leave.

These sailors and the sea,
the sweet moving sounds of the choir
are the sounds of gentle truth rocked by
an ungentle sea.
And that good old rodeo boy
in his jean coveralls,
what doesn’t he know…

What is it about the bluesy harmonica,
and the lullaby that puts you to sleep at night,
the sound of rain pattering softly on the roof,
the screaming silence.
What is it about lost hope…

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